It was thundering and pouring outside just like it usually does during every monsoon. It was the first week of July and I was busy with call auditing of my advisors. They really suck when it comes to customer handling on calls.
Although Jio brought a revolution in the usage of mobile data; almost every Jio employee curses this revolution. Jio’s entry in the Indian Telecommunication market dropped the calling and data rates. Data usage became affordable to everyone.
Amidst this, people who didn’t even know how to download Whatsapp and Facebook in android came up with complaints. Look I might sound mean, but I remember my days as an advisor… Just imagine if someone calls you and cries, “Aapke Jio sim mein Whatsapp nahi hai. Hum abhi naya fone liye hai. Lekin sasura apka jio sim daalke usme Whatsapp hi nahi dikha raha…”
This was not enough… few over smart assholes would go like,”Sir, Jio ka satellite humko network nahi de raha…”
BC, Jio ne satellite kab launch kiya, bhai?
However,I first tried to educate him that the Jio has its towers and not satellites. But that overly educated bastard was too rude. He said,”Aap call centre waalo ko kuch pata nahi hota. Hum 3rd year padh rahe hai aur hume bataya gaya hai communication satellite dwara hota hai…”
So I just replied,“Sir, aap bass upar dekhiye, kuch chamak raha hai?”
It was 1.30pm and that idiot actually said,”Haan..”
So I told him,“Sir, maine aapke upar hi alag se ek satellite ruka diya hai. Ab apko accha speed milega…”
At that time, I had been taking calls for three years continuously. I knew that although providing wrong information to the customer might lead to a strict action against me still, I used to stretch such messy calls for long,beyond 10mins, so that these calls wouldn’t get audited. Many times I abused back customers but fortunately never got caught.
BPO is a very volatile industry. When here, you talk some senseless shit with customers so much, that after leaving office you don’t have any desire or strength left to talk with anyone else. People leave the job easier than get the job. And almost 80% of the crowd is so dumb that they can’t even fix the loose LAN cable or even check if the desktop switch is ON or OFF unless taught. But in this case too, there are few smartasses here, who play with the system and customers, still never get caught. I have been playing with the system for the last 5 years, still, everyone here thinks I’m one of the most responsible team leaders on the floor.
If you are reading this and if you ever call in any of the call centres, then there is one suggestion for you, NEVER ASK FOR SENIORS ON THE CALL… I say NEVER. If you do so, either you will be kept on a long hold and eventually the call will be disconnected or even if you get to talk with the senior, you will be just wasting your time. Because, the asshole whom you asked to transfer the call, at least took your complaint, but the asshole whom your call was transferred won’t even bother!
While my life was revolving around all these messy things, the only good thing about BPO was – lots of fresh and pretty faces around. As I said earlier, BPO is a very volatile industry, so people join and leave the organization without a second thought. Hence, every day there are many new people on the floor. But we have an idiom in India,”Dil aaya gadhi pe toh pari kya chiz hai?” Same was applied in my case. Although I had Sunaina and Prachi in my team, who were, the ‘Hot News’ on the floor, but my relations with them were totally professional. The reason was,I was still unable to get over my breakup.
We broke up two years back. Wait a minute! WE broke up? Actually, SHE broke up without any logical reason or discussion. I still remember we just talked that night… she said she wants to break up because of some family reason. I told her, let’s discuss it tomorrow when we meet, as I was heavily drunk that night. Next morning when I woke up, I was blocked on Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Snapchat… everywhere. And I was so helpless as I didn’t even know her office or home address. I tried calling her from another number but she must have changed her number. So after trying for a few days, I gave up.
After the breakup, my friends suggested me to be with another girl just to get over from whatever happened. I even tried that. But all in vain. After my first date with Priti, I was about to kiss her but when I closed my eyes suddenly my ex’s face flashed in front of me and I literally ran away from Priti. Next day when she called I told her that I was more interested in men than ladies.. after which she too blocked me… which I guess I deserve.
I was done with my call auditing that day. And I could say my team sucked! Although our customer rating was 4.38/5 and we had a good AHT, I never liked when my advisors licked customers’ ass just for rating. I always thought they should be sarcastic as I was in my old days, but none of them was even close. Anyway, it was good for the team, at least we ranked second in stack ranking and we were getting incentives for our good performance. Even though I never told them upfront, I could have saved them for being so entertaining.
I could see on my system Arun, a newbie, in our team was on call for last 13mins, whereas advisors are supposed to finish the call before 6 mins. I shouted his name from my desk,”Arun, itni kya baat kar raha hai customer se? Shaadi karega kya usse?”
He stood in his place, putting the headphone on mute, he said,”Sir, Customer ek pagal ladki hai jo pichle 10mins se akele chilla rahi hai…”
“Problem kya hai?” I asked.
“Net nahi chall raha hai last 3 din se, bol rahi hai facebook pe daal dungi,” he said.
“Usko puchh internet nahi chal raha to facebook pe kaise daalegi, pagal aurat?” I replied and everyone from our team started laughing.
“Ye sunke aur bhadak jaayegi,” he replied, “Itna accha naam hai, fir bhi pagalo jaise akeli chilla rahi hai…”
“Baba Sexpear ne kaha hai… Naam me kya rakha hai… Khushboo naam ki ladki bhi ganda paadti hai.. ,”Nilesh sitting next to him replied and everyone started laughing again.
“Shii.. Kitna ganda joke tha… Kya Sir aap bhi aise panchat joke pe haste ho?,” Prachi sitting next to Nilesh pinched him.
“Alright guys, apni Khushboo bhadak gayi. Chup raho sab… Kaam karo apna…” I said and then everyone burst into laughter.
“Sir aap lelo na isko, mujh pe bhadak rahi hai…” Arun said.
“Accha? Usko puchh wo degi kya mujhe,” I replied and everyone burst out again.
“Alright guys, back on calls. Arun, you should learn how to handle such customers. Tell me your BP ID,” I said getting back to my seat.
“Customer ko bol call transfer kar raha hu senior ko aur number bata mujhe,”
“Ji Madam, main aapka call apne senior ko transfer kar raha hoon, please line pe rahiye,” he said on call and placed it on hold again, “Sir, number lo 9834****85. Transfer kar diya.”
As I entered that number in my system and pressed enter all the customer’s information appeared on my screen..
Name: Ms. Gauri Kulkarni, Number: 9834****85, etc.
Everything around me went mute and blur. All I could see was that information on my screen and listen to her ‘Hello! Hello!’ in my headphones. I could feel my palms and feet sweating… For a moment I couldn’t even feel my heart. My lungs were trying to inhale as much air as they could. I had my thumb on the mute button but it had no strength left to press it. It was her.
Few seconds passed and Arun stood up again and asked,”Sir, kaisi lagi?”
Getting back into reality, I just smiled at him and raised my hand for thumbs-up.
I unmuted the call and with a very unusual deep voice said, “Hello…”